Irken Sexuality- A History and Discussion
by Hyperintelligent Shade of Blue
Summary: See the Fan. See the Fan with too much time on her hands. Theorize, Fan, theorize!! Yeah, I came up with a whole theory. Read. Discuss. Pick apart.


H'wo, minna-san
    
    Dani had a lot of time in a car lately, forced into going to camp meetings. .Things come out even, because camp wasn't all that bad, and I had *looooooot* of time for plotting and thinking and stuff. So, I'm sure most of us remember the widely-posted evidence from Jhonen himself that disproved the idea of Irken biology being equivalent to human biology. And how he said that gender is insignificant in the *current* process of Irken procreation. He also said (and I quote ^_^), "The details as to how this setup came to be, and what purpose it serves is a bit of a mystery…"Wah-HAH! Room for doubt! So, in the interests of fangirls, fanboys, and all fen everywhere, your faithful chronicler has decided to take it upon her own shoulders to explain the mysterious Irken reproductive biology. ^__^ With the help of Piers Anthony in providing a reason for the necessity of this impersonal reproduction, Silent Ian, the stoned muse, in continually bringing up the subject all frickin' weekend long …
    
    /^_^V/
    
    …and my Animal-Planet obsessed, Lenore-reminiscent little sister, Julia, in my unconscious absorption of non-human reproduction. ::shivers and makes a conscious attempt to forget all the unneccesaries of those concepts::
    
    Ahem. Again, with the aid of those, and Jibaku-chan for understanding my mental block in continuing "Cinnamon", I now present to you:
    
     
    
    "Irken Sexuality: A History and Discussion"
    
    By Dani (Hyperintelligent Shade of Blue)
    
    Written under the influence of camp food and unsatisfying sleep, and lots of maraschino cherries
    
     
    
    Disclaimer: I know nothing. Jhonen is god. This is complete speculation and a good dose of boredom. If I owned Invader Zim, I would put in another female character so Gaz could be slashed too. ^_^vAs this is, I'm posting it weeks after it was written….. The only thing I own is the sad and strange concept portrayed within, and if you want it, I'm willing to trade it to you for a tape of IZ eppies…. ::wiggles her eyebrows:: C'mon, prime real estate here…. 
    
    / ::shakes his head sadly and whacks Dani in the noggin with the corpse of a Mary-Sue plotbunny:: /
    
    o.o-.- o.oOk. Sorry. ::rubs her head idly:: Okee… Oh! Right. Irken special bits. Onward, bold fen!
    
     
    
    Female: I'm figuring they perhaps have ovipositors. Well, why not? Ovipositor is a cool word… C'mon, say it! Oh-vih-poh-sih-ter….. ^_^ Aheeheeheehee! Um. *blink* Just accept this. It will make sense with the male bits, ne? Well, it did in the van…. So. The chicks have ovipositors to go with the curly antennae 'n eyelashes 'n stuff. Now if the Irkens still reproduced normally, the females would take the big long ovipositors and stick'em in the…
    
     
    
    Male: Egg-holder-thingys! Ok, so I don't know what they'd be called(is that what Zim was hit in when he was mourning his painful squeedly spooch, and is that why Gaz thinks she has one?), but think of seahorses- the female seamares lay the eggs in the pouch the seastallions have until the seafoals are big enough to fend for themselves. So modifying that a little, the females put the eggs *somewhere* in the males, who chauvinistically speaking can take care of themselves better even when they're a little off-kilter. . Maybe it's the Irken answer to male chauvinists- "You're so great, huh? Have a few eggs, ya loser, and if you so much as dent a shell…"Aheheheheh… ^^; Not to mention it makes relationships interesting. (Maybe Dib/Zims will be easier, maybe not… but imagine the screwed-up ZAGRs that could be written using this theory!O.O!)
    
     
    
    The process: Ok, on a side note here, while humans generally get warmer when they're excited, maybe Irkens get cooler- perhaps conserving heat, maybe cool is just more conductive… Dunno. It works with my fic, so I say it. Heh… So while the eggs are hanging out in the male Irkens' bodies, they're incubated- assuming that Irkens keep a stable body temperature, of course- and fertilized. Don't ask how, I haven't got that figured out.
    
     
    
    / ::grins and reminds her that when she was supposed to be thinking that out, she sidetracked into thinking about a "Zim meets human reproductive biology" plotbunny and never finished that one train of thought:: /
    
     
    
    I~an, you weren't s'posed to tell… O.o;;; Aight, so the eggs are warm(or cool?) and developing in the daddy Irken. This is where my theories branched off, depending on if you think Irkens are hatched or live-born.In the case of the one, the male would then deposit the eggies somewhere where they would remain in a conductive environment until the wittle Irken baby decides "Hell with the shell, I'm outta here." Tada. Or~ other option, the eggs could remain in the daddy until either the egg broke or the shell softened or absorbed back into the dad (again, it's science crap and I'm sugar high, detail it yourself if you're morbidly interested) and again, voila baby.Of course, there's also doubt in whether Irkens lean toward multiple births or one at a time. I don't think I'm either experienced enough or pretentious enough to develop a fully working theory.
    
     
    
    / Don't want you getting any kind of an ego. /
    
     
    
    Pshya.Me, an ego? Whoops, off-subject. Now, my final point:
    
     
    
    Why the change from personal reproduction to mechanical?: Who reads sci-fi? ::watches hands go up:: Excellent. Who has seen space travel presented as a cause of mutation? ::looks around desperately for hands:: Mkay.And finally, who's taken biology and learned that 99% of all mutation is negative and only 1% benefits the organism in question? ::watches high-school age and above fen raise their hands, albeit dubiously:: Great. Now we can see that a species as involved in such hazardous behavior as frequent space travel would not want to keep reproduction in the control of the fates. Some creative Irken came up with the idea for the baby tubes, and Voila! No more mutations, harmful or otherwise. A stable species, to be sure, but also one which won't do much in the way of small-scale evolution anymore. So anyone who had a mutant Irken in a plot, may's well toss that plot bunny to the dogs of war. ^^;
    
     
    
    / ::shakes the Mary-Suebunny corpse again, just for the hell of it:: ^__^ /
    
     
    
    Ohyeah…. Plus, the Tallest could then make sure that the Irkens would be generally short as a race. Only special hand-picked babies would be allowed the genes for height, right? And it also make each Irken pretty much disassociated from all other Irkens, not having immediate contact with parent-figures who would love them, and so allowing them to be ruthless and pretty much bitchy and frigid when the time came for an Invasion.
    
     
    
    So… what do you guys think? I know, I have way too much time… I may as well use it while I got it… God bless the high skool students."That's what High School's all about… algebra, bad lunch, and infidelity."
    
     
    
    / .::walks away in disgust, intending to hunt down a loud pot-smoking voice and go loiter in front of a 7-11:: /
    
     
    
    o.o -.- o.o Riiiight. I shut up now… Be nice while you pick my theory to shreds, mkay?
    
     
    
    ~end!!~
    
     
    
    P.S. If anyone wants to add their ideas to this or point out a technical impossibility contained here, drop me a line! This is a fluid theory. I'm willing to adapt… This is by a fan, for the fen! Or fans. I like fen.^-^ And if anyone is offended by the contents… well, get a life! It's just a show. You should really just relax.


End file.
